Last Updated : Sunday, 10 February, 2002 at 09:53 PM -0600
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| Daynotes On a Budget Last Updated : Sunday, 10 February, 2002 at 09:53 PM -0600 |
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Monday, February 4, 2002
Well, today started with a "ka-thunk". As in my car, not wanting to start. I shouldn't complain, really - I know it needs a new battery, and when it gets below zero, the thing has reason to complain - but last night wasn't exactly expected. Anyway...
Got to work, and one of my co-workers called in sick. Conveniently, we'd been talking last week about upgrading her machine to Windows 2000/SQL 2000/Office 2000, and so I did it. What fun.
Speaking of fun, today I think I came up with a completely new sport - you've heard of Googlewhacking, which is the practice of looking for two words, recognized by the relatively feeble Dictionary.com, and trying to find a single page match? The trick is the two words.
Well, I've got a new one afore ye. Search for something, anything at all, and then find the oddest result in the pile. I was looking for Chatsworth computer enclosures this morning, and so used Google to search. When what to my wondering eyes did appear but this page, which purports to discuss the merits of Detective Columbo as Theologian.
Now, before my old theology prof begins spinning his way back out of the ground to stomp with bony feet the feeble intellect who came up with that particular premise, let's be honest - theology is, at best, religious philosophy run amok, and philosophy is, at most, mental masturbation - few who seriously engage in the pursuit of "philosophy" ever are pressed to put the conclusions which they reach (if any) into practice. Sure, protest this or that or the other all you want. But let's put a PETA person in front of a charging Rhino and a 20 MM cannon. It's a simple choice - you or the rhino. While I'm all for saving endangered species and all the rest, we've got to have some practical limitations - sure, we want to save the rhino. But if the choice is he or I, well, then, have some rhino steak, I'm not going to think all that hard or feel all that sorry. Though in a "best practices" world, one would be better served not to place one's valuable carcass in a position where said rhino has the opportunity to create additional ventilation in it, truth be told.
Anyway - we've established that philosophy, being mental masturbation, is a close cousin to theology, which, using our analogy (okay, okay, MY analogy) makes theology religious mental masturbation, and we've also determined that some learned individual believes that Detective Columbo, he of the unkempt appearance, stubbie stogie, and rumpled raincoat, might function as a theologian.
Is anyone else surprised? I mean, he's got a raincoat...
Well, with that 80-mile-way around to the punchline and all out of the way, we have the new sport - nominations accepted in the usual hole for names, but we'll call it "the least relevant result returned in the first 100". How I got from Chatsworth computer enclosures to Detective Columbo, I dunno. But it's a strange journey, anyway...
And the tension continues to get thicker around here. Talked to the mortgage guy today - seems the underwriter place got clobbered by a snowstorm last week, and so they were at 40% efficiency. Gee, that I understand. Then we waited, in vain, for word from the seller's agent regarding the furnace inspection.
And tomorrow morning, I've got to send an e-mail to my boss. Seems the space we were supposed to be moving into has not yet vacated. We're supposed to be out of our current space by the end of this month. 23 days. We've seen enough unexplained rumors and whatnot going on that some of us are in fear of keeping the office open - so I'm going to start by going through channels.
And hope the results will be positive.
Tuesday, February 5, 2002
Well, last night after posting, I got off the phone, and we had a message. Our realtor finally got hold of the seller's agent, and got the news. The furnace is cleaned, spiffed, inspected, certified, and trustworthy. Or words to that effect. So we've cleared yet another hurdle. The last two are the financing, which our finance guy is supremely confident that it will go (as we've been through once), and just getting moved.
Oh, yeah - and the downpayment, which we'll get a fair chunk of come Friday night - well, theoretically, anyway, as we're getting the taxes done. I pay too much in taxes to be able to rely on TurboTax, and I just don't trust software that's not as smart as I - and I might not know the tax codes, but when I have questions, I can't exactly ask the program "'scuse, please, but what about this amount? Can't I deduct it?" and get a definitive legal answer.
So there we go to HR Block in Burnsville, come Friday. If you're looking for someone to do your taxes, go see them folk - Mary Rein, especially. She knows her stuff. Hopefully, this year's computer purchases will be taken off the taxes... we hope. Hey, it's for education...
Anyway, I figure shortly there will be a new term in the financial lexicon. "I've been Lay'd" for any company that's inflated to exhorbitant values, then decomposed, and the smug bastard who rode the bubble up gets to keep what he got, and screw others, besides. Oh well. Beats "Enronized". Sounds like something done with a tool that both heats and vibrates. Don't ask me why, but I'm sure I saw it sold on a late-nite infomercial. I don't think any of the models were naked...
Other than that, I suppose I should confess to a recent, unhealthy craving. It started a few weeks ago when we went to the mall of America. You see, there's a store there called "Calido Chili Traders". Now, any store that offers food samples typically does well in this household. CCT doesn't, and that's because my ... well, let's just say "decidedly unspicy" wife prefers not to torch her tonsils with the kind of spices I prefer to deal with. Of course, with names like "Nuke Sauce" and "Scorned Woman" and "The incredible flaming death" (I swear, I saw that in a movie once), I'm not likely to be going through multiple bottles of the stuff on a regular basis.
Though this is most definitely the only store in which I would gladly sample a product called "Hot Nuts". Honestly. They're good - peanuts with spices. Yum. Ouch. Yum.
Anyway, we were in there last weekend, and this fellow held out this sample. "Here, Artichoke and Spinach dip and cream cheese". I liked it - a little mild, but I liked it. Surprisingly, Ann and the kids did as well. Jack, most definitely - every time we make up a batch and bring it out to the living room, the kid ends up kneeling on the edge of the couch, chip in hand, and then slipping off, getting dip to his wrist. Only once did I offer to lick it off him. The other times his mother capably (and thriftily) cleaned up the mess with her own chips (drat).
Anyway, mom, the recipe is so simple even Jack could make it. 1/4 of a 15.5 ounce jar of CCT's Artichoke & Spinach Salsa, one package (lite) Cream Cheese - mix together and refrigerate. If you're looking for pain, add a dash or three of one of the gringo sauces mentioned above, and you'll get pain. And a lip (and other parts)-searing flavor.
But that's just a short digression.
Good news this morning at work - the "hey, are we still moving" e-mail produces most unexpected results - the board has approved the reorganizational plan we have, which includes all of the previously approved plans and reductions - all but our office move having occurred, and our office is NOT slated for closing (additional liabilities would be incurred which would be ... ungood. We'll just leave it at that). And a deeper explaination is finally forthcoming. Our new home's occupants can't move until their new home vacates and is built-out. Thus it's a domino, with us somewhere in the middle (I know there's someone waiting to take our space, and I'm sure there are people waiting for theirs). I'm told, though, in no uncertain terms to "have everything boxed up and ready to go." Right, then. The hubs and computer too? Uh, wait a second...
So we're moving forward - I see the next several months as being a cardboard and moving hell for me. . . That's OK. I get paid to do one, and the other, well, it's a home. Our agent's got the signed copy of the seller's half of the agreement. Now we're back in the "oh, shit" end of the pool, as we wait for our financial guy to come through with more money than I ever even considered in my life.
In a way it's utterly surreal. If you told me I'd have to write a check for this house for umpteen thousands of dollars, I'd have said "you gotta be kidding" - but we aren't, really. The biggest check I ever wrote was when I bought my pickup, about fifteen years ago now. The bank loaned me the money, and back then, with the small-town bank, after the paperwork was done, they just put the money in my checking account. And I went to the dealership and wrote the check.
And that check was bigger than the amount I'm going to have to put down on this house, when we finally get there. We got the insurance estimate in this morning, which will be $35 less than was budgetted (hey, I'll take it), and that shaves another chunk off the down (yes, we have to pay it, but it's less we have to put on the table that Friday - we'll pick it up Thursday on the way home from work, and have the binder ready to go Friday morning. Considering the house is on a busy street, across the street from a hydrant, etc., I think we're OK).
It's unreal, in some ways - we're going to get a piece of paper saying we've got these umpteen-thousands. We'll turn around, give it to others, who will turn to a bank, most likely, and give them the paper, which they will then give up a couple thousand from that end, and then...
Gee, is any of it real? Oops. Better not ask too hard or it will all come falling down. Anyway... We'll get there. Eventually.
And yes, the wife did send to me a link to a pretty puppy from Petadoptions.com. Mind you, I pointed out (after roughly a thousand copies of the word "EVIL") that we are not yet in the market for a pet, as we are still stuck in the market for a house. Once we've closed and have the measure of the house (a few weeks at the least), we'll be more in the market for a pet.
And yes, it's true. I had to deal with a pissy young lady today who called, all upset that we were having issues with Windows XP. What I meant to say, but didn't have the opportunity, was "sorry, toots, I've been working with computers for over 20 years now. There is no 'ask the same question 763 times, and magically, on the 764th, the answer will change'. No means no. When I say 'we don't support Windows XP with that version' that doesn't mean 'I'll fix that and get back to you' - it means 'Blow it out your rear vent if you don't like the answer'."
Seems that people who don't read the fairly large print (screw the fine print these days, "SUPPORTED OSes ARE WINDOWS 9X/ME, NT, and 2000" is in big enough type), and when they make a mistake, they blame us. Lovely. Here's a short course for you -
That should be enough for now... G'nite...
Wednesday, February 6, 2002
Wednesday. Yup. That's about the best way to put it.
Seems that yesterday's pissy customer call turned into a high-level customer support meeting. And it's rather humorous, at times. Seems that the customer support group is working on the justification for fixing the old version.
So, let's play this through. The customer upgraded their OS, and because they upgraded their OS, they want the application to work with the new OS. Fine. So upgrade. But they don't want the upgrade we're shipping in a month. They want us to go back to a version we stuck a fork in back last February and rebuild it to work for them with XP. This is despite a full-on press for development of a completely different product.
Sheesh.
And on the home front, no news - the finance guy is now e-mailing us regularly, saying "DON'T PANIC" in capital letters. We're moving forward, and that's all that we can say. Just wait, that's all.
Other than that, we hit 41 here today. It's somewhat odd to watch the rest of the country get these storms, and we're basking in warmth. Most of our snow's gone.
So it goes...
Thursday, February 7, 2002
Well, we're almost through another week... This morning started out well enough. Went past the house, as we do every morning on the way to school, and noticed this morning that there was a "Sold" sign added to the sign out front. Hopefully the financing gets nailed down tomorrow and we can relax.
Anyway, work was difficult, again. The customer from heck called again, and pitched a righteous fit, and spent significant time hooting and howling.
I'll be honest - we've got hundreds of satisfied and happy customers. We've got hundreds of users at many of those sites. And I've handled an awful lot of support calls over the years, and quite a great deal of abuse. But I will tell you that I've a few personal rules which I stick to hard and fast.
The first is that I will accept your abuse, within limits, because you're frustrated too. You've endured a great deal of frustration, and in the end you've gotten upset enough to call for help. So I can accept a certain amount of abuse.
The second is that I will be honest with you. I do you no favors by giving you promises which cannot be fulfilled, and I can't lie to you and tell you it's going to be all better.
The third is that I will try as hard as I can to get you a positive result. The bottom line is that any solution which might need to be created needs to be a win-win solution - that means it needs to work for you, and it needs to be reasonable for us. Creating a whole new product or something from scratch for you for free isn't a very good idea for us, for one simple reason - if we go out of business, you're eventually going to have to dump the software we make. We need to remain viable as well, or we're not looking after you responsibly.
Finally; while I will accept abuse, I will not accept, and I will not tolerate, profanity or outright disrespect from anyone who calls for help. I'm not going to call you names and swear at you - in some circles (or jurisdictions, if you prefer the legal term), it's considered fifth-degree assault, and you need to get your temper under control before you incur a couple of major bills for your organization.
Anyway, Tuesday's customer from heck became a huge bone of contention at the corporate office and we were about five minutes from building a whole new pile of software before we got through to corporate. After about two hundred person-hours of meetings, support, research, and abuse, we got through to our head of development today.
The customer from heck is getting us all bent out of shape for one laptop. We've spent all of this time and money in discussions and, well, blathering, all for one laptop running Windows XP. One laptop - one lonely laptop.
So we got into a conference call, and let the head of development say what needed to be said - "You've had us going through all of this for one computer? Well, you can wait two months and upgrade." Gee, is there an echo in here?
Anyway - after that, and other conference calls and meetings, and then, in the middle of the afternoon, I get a call from Ann - Rhiannon was feeling unwell, and so I picked her up. Went to the doctor's office, and no, she doesn't have anything. But at least we got that checked. Then we did the usual Thursday excitement - Grocery shopping tonight, and then home.
Now, I'm going to bed. G'nite...
Friday, February 8, 2002
Ah, finally, Friday.
And, just to make sure the theme continues, more customer "issues" today. Let's see. More "rules to live by" I suppose...
When it comes to using software, support personnel are unlikely to be moved by someone threatening to "go with a different product." Quite often, this threat is made just after the customer is told "I'm sorry, but if you want to do that, it's going to cost you extra." This is the nature of business. We supply software that will meet between 75-90% of 75-90% of the organizations we sell the product to. Certainly no product is perfect. Ours most definitely isn't.
But typically, a "we'll go elsewhere" threat only serves to irritate the people who are trying to help you. Bottom line is that unless you've purchased a completely customized software solution, there will be things you do not like, things that aren't exactly to your liking. And when you ask for free assistance with something, we'll do what we can - but if the particular service or part you've asked us to modify is off-limits, we have to tell you that. We also have to tell you when you run into things like reports which you want to modify without our help.
For, you see, we have a group of people in our company who specialize in that task. For the amount of money it's going to cost you, the customer, to educate yourself enough to learn how to actually modify the reports we supply, you could have purchased an entire boatload of customized reports.
Now, these days the focus is increasingly on "develop in-house expertise" rather than "hire it done". Sure, it's cheaper to do it yourself.
Or is it?
Consider that to learn Skill A, you will have to take someone who already knows an awful lot, pull them off that project, and put them on learning Skill A. This individual will be unavaiable to assist with other things, as they are acquiring skill A. At this point, you need to take about 80% of the individual's Salary and add it to your calculations for as long as it takes for them to learn how to do it.
Then, you need to look at the other individuals who work with your highly-skilled individuals. Certainly they're all smart (though not as smart as Mr. Highly-Skilled, of course), and assign them to fill in for Mr. Highly-Skilled. However, Ms. Nearly-As-Smart and Mr. Just-About-As-Smart are also going to be working above their normal level. Add 50% of their salaries, for their productivity will fall off as they have to split their attention from the stuff they know to the stuff they're trying to learn.
Now, look at the other employees. Ms. Nearly and Mr. Just About are supporting the rest of your organization, as well. And everyone who comes to them for assistance will, by their absence or reduced response, be less effective. Add, say, 2% of the total payroll for the duration of this project (less, of course, the salaries of Highly-Skilled, Nearly-As-Smart, and Just-About-As-Smart).
There we go. But wait, there's another factor - system instability and unreliability. Sure, report-writing's a simple chore. But when your top individual disappears for a couple of weeks to pick up a new skill, wanders the halls on occasion grumbling "mumble damned mumble sql mumble mumble" and in all other ways becomes much like a grouchy bear awakened early from his hibernation, you've got a certain intangible cost which is increasing like a rocket.
When people are asked to change procedures, there's always resistance. No matter what you might want to believe otherwise, resistance is not always futile. Change is typically feared by most people, because it's a difference from "the way we do it now". And the truth is that resistance to change is bolstered by any number of factors, including the emotional. If your Highly-Skilled IT guy spends two months creating new reports, is unavailable for consultations because they're "working on the new system" and are by turns alternately ornery and spaced-out, well, the confidence of your other people is going to be badly shaken.
Why? Simple. "If Mr. Smarty Pants can't pick this up, how in the heck am I supposed to?" Never mind that they're comparing Apples and Light Bulbs. It's the "New System". It becomes inexorably linked in their minds, and impossible to separate the system customization from the day-to-day operations.
So, let's say your total costs (in the number calculations above) are $750,000. Let's also say that you're trying to get ten people to use the new system. Four will take to it like ducks to water. One will take to it like a fish to water. Two will run screaming into the night, never to be seen alive again. One will whine, bitch, complain, and yell, all the while becoming the second-most-proficient user you've got. One will grouse to everyone alive, and while it turns out that 99% of their issues are self-inflicted, it won't matter. One will actively seek to sabotage the system.
These numbers aren't guesswork. I spent six years on the front lines supporting Time & Attendance systems. There are four customers who I enjoyed hearing from - the first three I did, and one really nice company that was a joy to work with. The other sixty or so implementations I managed (a few have gone out of business, been merged, or otherwise been done in - some were Fortune 1000 companies, too) were almost all bad implementations. Why? Lack of understanding of the above.
One of the "worst" customers I had was one of my first ones. They were based in a nearby town, and were a food-product processor (I'm being intentionally vague). As they were one of my first implementations, I didn't know nearly enough to pull it off, and I most definitely did not know when to say "enough". I did end up selling them about $10K worth of customization for reporting, and managed to upgrade a very necessary utility we used (for converting an output file from a proprietary format to comma-separated values) into something which was actually useful. Through that and a bunch of batch files, I was able to set up a simple menu item which allowed this woman to generate the data for reports that used to take three weeks after payday to be delivered to management. With our new system, she could get them into management's hands before the paychecks came back from the payroll bureau.
And the poor old payroll lady, God love her, was completely befuddled. She was smart, but the whole process upset her world most severely. I worked with her. Rearranged the menus from my "logical" ones to her "this is how I do it" order (actually, because of the customization features available, I was able to create her a unique set of menus - so when she was on vacation, her assistant could do the job the way she wanted, and she had her own list of "this is how I do things".
About three times a year, something would go wrong. The computer would lock up in the middle of processing, or the sun would come in a wrong window, or her chair would be higher or lower than expected. We'd slowly go back through the process, and over the years, I'd learned to archive the original files we generated data from (four generations of backup there), archive the output files we needed for the reports (an on-going archive), and I also zipped down a copy of the input, output, and configuration files so no one could claim something had gone funky without me having the tools to find out what.
Every single time she would call with a problem, the conversation would start with "well, I don't know what this stupid thing did this time; we're going to have to look for a different system to use to solve our payroll problems." In the course of five and a half years, I ran out there three times to fix things. Since they were not quite two hours from me, it wasn't that big a trip (compared to some), but it wasn't the type you just said "I'll be right back".
Three times we had "Come To Jesus" meetings. That's where the salesmen go out and point out to the customer all of the benefits of the system, and all of the things they could do so much faster than they'd been able to do before. And every single time, the meeting opened with "we're evaluating other solutions."
The most painful meeting of all was the very first, where our salespeople hadn't done a very good job of explaining, and there I was, just six months with the company, and having to point out that, despite the salesman's assurances to the contrary, the bits of data wouldn't just magically appear. The remote computer would dial in to the corporate host, and automatically upload a file. Once this was done, the corporate computer would check and copy the new file to a new folder. Every 15 minutes on the second day of the pay period, the host computer would check that folder for new files. Once all of the sites had arrived, payroll would be processed. In that way, we were able to take a process which typically took six people two 16-plus-hour days and reduce it to a process where five people dedicated an hour a day to keeping the system up to date, and then one person could process payroll in about four hours. No 200 hours of data entry to get paychecks cut and passed out - paychecks were delivered to the plants the day before, instead of the day of, and people could get paid on payday.
It was a painful fact of life that every single time they wanted something, they believed they got better service with a threat than they did with a polite question. Most people these days seem to believe that's the case. But if you want to waste your internal resources as they take three weeks to do something we could do in three days, that's fine. If you think hard about it, you'll realize that you won't be changing the reports all that often once you've gotten them the way you want them.
The problem with the threat "we're going to dump your system" is that 90% of the time, it's made by someone who hasn't got the authority to make that call. It's made by someone who influences it, certainly, but the bottom line is that dumping the system is only a threat, and it's far too overused these days to be worthwhile.
What's doubly frustrating to a support person is in hearing that the individual who makes the threat, as today's caller did, represents an organization which hasn't yet purchased the software. We've got a "Test Drive" program, and it allows customers to "try" the software. This particular outfit was going live on monday with our software - or so they thought. Not no more, now...
And with that, we end the work week with a nice, happy sigh. Unfortunately, a new "official format" was released, and my 90% done report is back to 5% done. Boy, if I'd been a little faster...
The good news is that we heard, sort of, from our Mortgage broker. They've scheduled the appraisal, which, I'm told, means that the financing is as good as approved. Seems our underwriter is suffering under the pile of mortgages which flooded in when they were under the snowstorm from last week... But we'll come back to that.
Tonight, we did the tax thing. I can't help it, but every time we go through it, I end up worrying where we're going to get the money to pay for the taxes I'm sure we're going to owe. And the good news was that the refund is more than big enough. In fact, we're over 50% over what we needed. That's a nice thing...
So, anyway, we're going to go to bed and run all day tomorrow...
Saturday, February 9, 2002
Well, let's see... Couple of lessons learned, or re-learned, today.
First off, just because the Dollar Store has a good deal on nice-looking delicate glassware doesn't mean it's worth getting. We got a pair of glasses last night for the party we were going to today - one of them broke. So this morning I ran off to the mall to pick up a second glass. I got home, and found that the glass I'd left, unbroken, was now broken. So, after howling at one another, we grabbed two of our own glasses, plunked them into the box (since they were real crystal rather than cheap glass, we packed them very, very well).
Then, Jack and I ran up to a friend's place to help him take down his pool table, temporarily, and then we futzed with his computer for a bit.
He's got a cable modem, which had been attached to his computer via USB. He wanted to switch it to a regular old UTP Network connection, but his computer lacked a network card. Oddly enough, though, the fine folks at AT&T Broadband brought him an Intel network card that would have worked just fine.
Problem is, between all of the crap he's got loaded on the machine (I think his "Installed Programs" list ran on for twelve or thirteen "pages" in that little window), and all of the assorted hardware bits he's got hanging off it, when he went to install the card, the machine would lock up tight.
So, he's got a Linksys Router sitting on his desk, a Cable Modem, connected to a USB port, and a whole other mess. He's gonna try another network card first (I think he's got a spare 3Com he mentioned). I suspect that he's probably going to remain disappointed, as he's got so much stuff loaded on the machine, hardware-wise, that it's possible he's out of interrupts. But we'll see...
Anyway, after that, went to a long-delayed Christmas Gift Exchange with some friends. And picked up some boxes from them, so that's good. After that, we came home and crashed.
Sunday, February 10, 2002
Well, here we are at the bottom of the week again. Made it to church early, then got to the doctor's office for Rhiannon - they wanted to make sure she was OK. She still is. Then we came home and packed for nearly all of the day. Ann got the kitchen glassware thinned out a bit, and I've stumbled over the absolute certainty of every move - we just don't have enough boxes. Common moving lament #5.
So it goes.
I'll start packing up and tearing down the computer pile, and the books, this week. What fun.
Other than that, I'm tired, and I've got little enough to say, so I'm going to bed. G'nite.
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